Odin
08-23-2003, 12:32 AM
We've got a few pointers to make your CRIBS taping the best it can be!
(by CKOne)
1. You don't eat, sleep or have sex, you "Get your eat/sleep/**** on."
2. Whenever possible, end sentences with "at". Ex: "Dis where I make my
babies at."
3. It's not a "room". It's an "area". Ex: "Dis here the pool area." or
"Here go the kitchen area."
4. Cars & Trucks = Rides. Never call your ride a car.
5. 20's aren't denominations of currency, they are the rims on your ride.
They must be blinged out. (See #6)
6. Things are not shiny. They are blinged out.
7. Your ride needs at least one Playstation and DVD player integrated into
a seat back, visor, dashboard or all of the above.
8. They are not friends. They are dawgz.
9. On the day of taping, you must have a minimum of 8 to 10 dawgz kickin'
it in your pool, studio and theater areas.
10. One does not relax. One cheelz.
11. When you are kickin it, you are not playing soccer or angry at the dog,
you are having a few friends over for drinks.
12. Consider trading a Lexy for a pit bull, Rottweiler or other menacing
dog.
13. Tattoos are a must. When choosing a tattoo, they must evoke memories of
someone you haven't seen in a great while like a dawg you lost or one of
your children.
14. Remember, the only woman worthy of respect is your "Moms". All other
women are hoochies and hos.
15. Build a sunken platinum basketball jersey humidor area.
16. During taping, try not to shoot any white chauffeurs. If you happen to
shoot a white chauffeur, try to make your visitors accessories after the
fact.
17. The proper "Crib Touring Stance" is to hold your right fist in your
left hand and place both over your sternum. Hold your lips inside your
mouth to evoke a placid demeanor.
18. You may own any or all existing video game systems other than a
Nintendo, which is for beeyotches and kids. However, you may only own NFL
or NBA themed video games. (No one has ever said "This is where I get my
flight simulation on.")
19. If possible, breed or buy a chrome Rottweiler.
20. Fish tanks may only house piranhas or sharks (a.k.a. "The Rottweiler
and Domerman of the Sea")
21. Remove all books, computers and cats from the residence prior to
taping. (No one has ever said "This is where I get my read on." or "Dis
where my cat gets it's poop on.")
22. Self portraits aren't only for corporate executives and historical
figures! Remember, the bigger the portrait, the more respect it commands!
23. Two words: Black Lacquer
24. Keep the table in the formal dining area set at all times with gold,
chrome and/or diamond flatware.
25. Make sure you have at least two large rooms/automobiles that "You ain't
even go in/drove ever."
26. Bet on everything with your dawgz. Always win.
27. A pile of credit cards is not impressive. CASH ONLY!
28. When the MTV crew is leaving, be as rude as possible. Ex: "Now you've
seen the crib, you best get to steppin."
29. Most importantly, do not get too attached to any of this. You will not
have it in five years.
(by CKOne)
1. You don't eat, sleep or have sex, you "Get your eat/sleep/**** on."
2. Whenever possible, end sentences with "at". Ex: "Dis where I make my
babies at."
3. It's not a "room". It's an "area". Ex: "Dis here the pool area." or
"Here go the kitchen area."
4. Cars & Trucks = Rides. Never call your ride a car.
5. 20's aren't denominations of currency, they are the rims on your ride.
They must be blinged out. (See #6)
6. Things are not shiny. They are blinged out.
7. Your ride needs at least one Playstation and DVD player integrated into
a seat back, visor, dashboard or all of the above.
8. They are not friends. They are dawgz.
9. On the day of taping, you must have a minimum of 8 to 10 dawgz kickin'
it in your pool, studio and theater areas.
10. One does not relax. One cheelz.
11. When you are kickin it, you are not playing soccer or angry at the dog,
you are having a few friends over for drinks.
12. Consider trading a Lexy for a pit bull, Rottweiler or other menacing
dog.
13. Tattoos are a must. When choosing a tattoo, they must evoke memories of
someone you haven't seen in a great while like a dawg you lost or one of
your children.
14. Remember, the only woman worthy of respect is your "Moms". All other
women are hoochies and hos.
15. Build a sunken platinum basketball jersey humidor area.
16. During taping, try not to shoot any white chauffeurs. If you happen to
shoot a white chauffeur, try to make your visitors accessories after the
fact.
17. The proper "Crib Touring Stance" is to hold your right fist in your
left hand and place both over your sternum. Hold your lips inside your
mouth to evoke a placid demeanor.
18. You may own any or all existing video game systems other than a
Nintendo, which is for beeyotches and kids. However, you may only own NFL
or NBA themed video games. (No one has ever said "This is where I get my
flight simulation on.")
19. If possible, breed or buy a chrome Rottweiler.
20. Fish tanks may only house piranhas or sharks (a.k.a. "The Rottweiler
and Domerman of the Sea")
21. Remove all books, computers and cats from the residence prior to
taping. (No one has ever said "This is where I get my read on." or "Dis
where my cat gets it's poop on.")
22. Self portraits aren't only for corporate executives and historical
figures! Remember, the bigger the portrait, the more respect it commands!
23. Two words: Black Lacquer
24. Keep the table in the formal dining area set at all times with gold,
chrome and/or diamond flatware.
25. Make sure you have at least two large rooms/automobiles that "You ain't
even go in/drove ever."
26. Bet on everything with your dawgz. Always win.
27. A pile of credit cards is not impressive. CASH ONLY!
28. When the MTV crew is leaving, be as rude as possible. Ex: "Now you've
seen the crib, you best get to steppin."
29. Most importantly, do not get too attached to any of this. You will not
have it in five years.